You really can’t smell emotions. But I swear to you, nostalgia has a stench when it comes to love.
Stench? A scent, perhaps. What I would give to reverse time and experience young love again. That feeling, where nothing matters more. Where everything is foreign but the others warmth. The promises seem like they’ll never be broken.
I need to be straightforward and just cut to the chase. I miss it. I miss it all. I miss thinking this is what everyone talks about, I miss making these ludicrous promises because it’s a feeling I’ve never felt before. I miss wanting to give love and receive love. I miss being explored both mentally and physically. Can I say nostalgia now has a stench?
It’s an experience we all go through. To think that I’m the only one to feel this, would be absolutely selfish. We all have our first loves. We all have our first set of crazies, yells, highs, and screams. It’s what makes us grow when we come out of it.
Now, that I have wiped the residue of first love of myself. I have a second chance. I won’t deny the mistakes I’ve made, and the people I’ve hurt. I take it all in, let it all marinade and can say I have wronged. I have been selfish. I didn’t understand that to receive we must give. Give what we would like to see them grow with. Hold their hand to see them grow, because love is that. It is an unselfish process.
Love is not an end destination. It is not a ring on your finger letting you know you won. It is not a sigh of relief after the first ‘I love you.’ It is not just a one time show. It is in fact a process, a moment by moment lifestyle. It dies and cowers away when enveloped in neediness, but thrives when showered with abundance. In fact, there is no end destination, but to just be true to ourselves us align our heart with our mind, and love is the process that helps us get there.
Too many times after my first heartbreak I caught myself holding back, or not wishing to let an emotion peek through and see light. Almost as if I only meant to front that I am able to give love, but not actually give love. But why? Why was I afraid to show emotion? I had it all wrong then. Love is not an item we wish to achieve but rather a process that we go through to better ourselves. We release our emotions and aid each other to betterment in love. And in return we give that love back into the universe, because we know what it did for us.